originally posted April 3, 2014 – Revisited for a reason
Here it is, dear allies: My most frequent trigger is Jean saying nothing kind to me when I’m down or feeling sick (mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually). He may have just done the shopping, and driven to pick up Bon Papa, for example, and even helped set the table and prepared the coffee for lunch~All quite time-consuming when he might well have preferred to spend his one day off a week doing something else~ But, still, no emotional connection with me. NONE.
From my side, it’s like preparing the gown and the veil and the room and the banquet for the bride, but then not bothering to look at her when she arrives, and showing no interest in anything but the externals, and whether all was set up correctly. Is anybody with me here, or am I really off?
Today’s been a hard day. I’m not feeling well (mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually). So, I lay on the floor and stretched, and used the Happy Health machine, and called my sister (after trying to reach you, Dana) AND I told myself a NEW STORY:
If I get angry at him, it won’t work to bring him any closer, or get any more of what I want (a look of concern, gentle words, time together, etc). He is NOT one of my empathic supporters. He is good for other things (like driving, shopping, cleaning up, etc.) I’d be foolish to expect empathy from him, when I know that’s not his strong suit. The Best Plan of Action? Love what he gives, and be grateful for it, and find another place to get the emotional fulfillment. Practicing love and acceptance and gratitude for what he does do makes me feel SUPERBETTER about myself, and more like the good, whole, friendly person that I am and want to be.
Important ANNOUNCEMENT: I just changed/caught/stopped an old frozen thought pattern and let go of my usual negative emotions (angry at Jean, self-pity) and those unrealistic expectations that Denise and I talked so well about yesterday.
If I can do it once, I can do it again. Practice makes perfect sense to me. What do YOU think?